They had a nice time. Great Wolf Lodge with all the fixings. On their electronics, late nights, and scary videos (I cringed at that one as well).
A lot of swimming, rides, and great food. Pizza, Portillos, Chinese, and I'm sure Costco. They had their annual New Years Music Concert with guitar, piano. violin, and trumpet. Your eldest came back talking like a teenager. She loved the food, spending time with cousins, swimming, staying up late and trying to talk like she was a grownup. It was fun listening to her. And your baby trying to sleep on the way home. He was so tired; you know. They haven't talk about their presents and I'm afraid to ask. For your baby's birthday Ben didn't want him to bring out one gift so not to make mom and dad feel bad. Ben is very considerate of mom and dad's feelings.
As soon as I dropped them she went right to her hedgehog and he went straight to bed. Sabrina doesn't like Molly and now stays up stairs....apparently under your bed. AND!!!! Corrie got married! Engaged and married all in the same month!!!!! Yep. Saw her at the beginning of Dec. and without any mention....next thing is the announcement that she is married.
Got to go pick up mom at the airport. Love you.
Monday, January 6, 2020
To A New Year
It's here. A new year. A new beginning. One that doesn't have any new pain.....yet. I went to Texas to spend time with family. It made mom happy, though I think it was more the shopping high that made her smile so much. Grampa was terrible and looks miserable. I have got to put things in place so that is not me in my old age.
Everyone was sick; Montana, Ryan, Uncle Bill, Aunt Tracy, Uncle Steve, Garrett, Scottie, and Grampa.
I think I made Beckham cry every day I was there. I thought I could be like AJ and do a fun activity with the younger cousins. I took Fin and Beck to Whataburger for breakfast and all was going great until the dreaded thought that I could take them to Target for Hot Wheels came out of my mouth. Well, Beck and I had different ideas of how much I was going to spend. And Fin was the only one who ended with a toy. I later gave Beck $5 to put in his piggy bank.
Then the next day I set off the house alarm going into the garage to get a bottle of water. This woke up the boys and the next think I know Beck is crying. Turned out Scottie got sick in the middle of the night so their sledding trip to N.M. was cancelled. Man....I tell you. If this kept up I was going to have to stay a different family member's house.
Didn't see much of the kids after that.....ha. ha.
I did take Levi out to lunch at Burger King and that was very nice. So, that might be my fun little outing in the future. Going for lunch at a place of their choice.
Found the CUTEST Betsy Johnson dress at Dillards! Pink, Sheer, Ruffles, Stretchy, and it has insects on it! So much fun! I can't wait to wear it to school.
Rachel wants to take Aunt Tracy to Charlotte. Thought that might be a fun girls trip. Maybe there will be a fun tea place? How many Charlottes' are there in the States? Maybe I should look that up first so we are all on the same page.
A new year. You are not forgotten. You are in every one of my smiles, giggles, and shopping trips. Even though we are creating new memories you are there in our hearts, thoughts, and breath. My tears will not be few; Love demands it. I love you with all my heart.
Everyone was sick; Montana, Ryan, Uncle Bill, Aunt Tracy, Uncle Steve, Garrett, Scottie, and Grampa.
I think I made Beckham cry every day I was there. I thought I could be like AJ and do a fun activity with the younger cousins. I took Fin and Beck to Whataburger for breakfast and all was going great until the dreaded thought that I could take them to Target for Hot Wheels came out of my mouth. Well, Beck and I had different ideas of how much I was going to spend. And Fin was the only one who ended with a toy. I later gave Beck $5 to put in his piggy bank.
Then the next day I set off the house alarm going into the garage to get a bottle of water. This woke up the boys and the next think I know Beck is crying. Turned out Scottie got sick in the middle of the night so their sledding trip to N.M. was cancelled. Man....I tell you. If this kept up I was going to have to stay a different family member's house.
Didn't see much of the kids after that.....ha. ha.
I did take Levi out to lunch at Burger King and that was very nice. So, that might be my fun little outing in the future. Going for lunch at a place of their choice.
Found the CUTEST Betsy Johnson dress at Dillards! Pink, Sheer, Ruffles, Stretchy, and it has insects on it! So much fun! I can't wait to wear it to school.
Rachel wants to take Aunt Tracy to Charlotte. Thought that might be a fun girls trip. Maybe there will be a fun tea place? How many Charlottes' are there in the States? Maybe I should look that up first so we are all on the same page.
A new year. You are not forgotten. You are in every one of my smiles, giggles, and shopping trips. Even though we are creating new memories you are there in our hearts, thoughts, and breath. My tears will not be few; Love demands it. I love you with all my heart.
Made It Through the Holidays
It was hard. There were tears and sobs. I barely made it through the Bible reading before opening gifts. And it was weird, even a guilty feeling, knowing they weren't buying you any gifts. We spent too much money. I was over compensating for not buying you anything. Maybe we all were.
Your daughter got a night stand. You would love it. Very plain; grey and white....just your colors. Dad painted the outside white and kept the inner cubbies the original grey.
Your son got a Lego set of Trafalgar Square. That was their big gift from mom and dad. I got skies. I'm now a skier and trying to take more days off to spend time with dad up on the mountain. He is big on drills...Lord help my shins.
Your baby also got a mountain bike.....because we know how much he loves extreme sports...ha, ha. And your eldest got a chrome book....it's huge. She loves it and they set it up right way. They were the only ones who got stockings this year.....(well, I got one the next day because mom knows my heart.) Ben did great on gifts! Next year I will do better. I think he wants gifts that he can work/figure out during Christmas day. Electronics.
That night mom, dad, and I went to the night service so we could listen to a choir singing so our minds focus on the birth of our Christ. It was emotional for me. You have better music and I'm sure your singing nonstop with the voices of all the angels.
The coffee cake was delish!! And you would have loved it. Someone else made the eggs..... Mom was surprised. And we had sausage instead of bacon. I thought mom was going to start crying but we had a little Christmas of our own the next day and she made her bacon then....and burnt it; poor mom.
They tried their best with the Advent Calendar. Ben is tired and I don't know if planning is really his calling. But for a 'Fly By the Seat of their Pants' Advent year I think it went pretty well. One night they went to buy Onzie PJ's and went off to the zoo lights.
And Christmas morning I took them to the traditional trip to the airport. And they were off.
So we have survived Thanksgiving and Christmas. The magic is gone; it left in April. Knowing it was never going to be the same. Waiting for the 'holidays' to end and thinking non-holidays have less pain.
Your daughter got a night stand. You would love it. Very plain; grey and white....just your colors. Dad painted the outside white and kept the inner cubbies the original grey.
Your son got a Lego set of Trafalgar Square. That was their big gift from mom and dad. I got skies. I'm now a skier and trying to take more days off to spend time with dad up on the mountain. He is big on drills...Lord help my shins.
Your baby also got a mountain bike.....because we know how much he loves extreme sports...ha, ha. And your eldest got a chrome book....it's huge. She loves it and they set it up right way. They were the only ones who got stockings this year.....(well, I got one the next day because mom knows my heart.) Ben did great on gifts! Next year I will do better. I think he wants gifts that he can work/figure out during Christmas day. Electronics.
That night mom, dad, and I went to the night service so we could listen to a choir singing so our minds focus on the birth of our Christ. It was emotional for me. You have better music and I'm sure your singing nonstop with the voices of all the angels.
The coffee cake was delish!! And you would have loved it. Someone else made the eggs..... Mom was surprised. And we had sausage instead of bacon. I thought mom was going to start crying but we had a little Christmas of our own the next day and she made her bacon then....and burnt it; poor mom.
They tried their best with the Advent Calendar. Ben is tired and I don't know if planning is really his calling. But for a 'Fly By the Seat of their Pants' Advent year I think it went pretty well. One night they went to buy Onzie PJ's and went off to the zoo lights.
And Christmas morning I took them to the traditional trip to the airport. And they were off.
So we have survived Thanksgiving and Christmas. The magic is gone; it left in April. Knowing it was never going to be the same. Waiting for the 'holidays' to end and thinking non-holidays have less pain.
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Buisness Model for the Classroom
Dad said that you can't value what you don't understand. So what do the kids understand in my Title 1 school? Money and rewards.
So, I'm going to look into a buisness plan. Make an outline for a buisness model in my classroom. here are my thoughts so far:
I'm CEO. I hand out the majority of PAWS. Work the small group interventions.
They can get fired but re-instated. If they get fired they loose their priviledges and have to work their way back up....so I need a plan for this.
PAWS (reward slips) = money.
They get paid money (Monopoly money) each day according to their PAWS (compliments).
Accountants, Human Resources, Board Director, Departments, Workers, Planners, Writers, Designers, Builders, Bankers.....different jobs in the company.
They can change jobs through a process.
They can have a savings account.
They can purchase rewards with their money....pizza party, PJ party, pencils, notebooks, stickers, action figures.....(store?)
They can get bonuses if their department out performs their goals?
Using academic language.
When the company is running efficiently then they would be able to complete tasks in their department.....
Math: deal with the money in the company.
Reading: Reading the policies in the company.
Writing: Writing the policies for the company.
Health: We do Yoga....fitness center at company.
Science: Professional Development to enhance our ideas for company growth.
This has probably been done before...but I love this idea and how it can help bring a special kind of classroom management into the classroom.
So, I'm going to look into a buisness plan. Make an outline for a buisness model in my classroom. here are my thoughts so far:
I'm CEO. I hand out the majority of PAWS. Work the small group interventions.
They can get fired but re-instated. If they get fired they loose their priviledges and have to work their way back up....so I need a plan for this.
PAWS (reward slips) = money.
They get paid money (Monopoly money) each day according to their PAWS (compliments).
Accountants, Human Resources, Board Director, Departments, Workers, Planners, Writers, Designers, Builders, Bankers.....different jobs in the company.
They can change jobs through a process.
They can have a savings account.
They can purchase rewards with their money....pizza party, PJ party, pencils, notebooks, stickers, action figures.....(store?)
They can get bonuses if their department out performs their goals?
Using academic language.
When the company is running efficiently then they would be able to complete tasks in their department.....
Math: deal with the money in the company.
Reading: Reading the policies in the company.
Writing: Writing the policies for the company.
Health: We do Yoga....fitness center at company.
Science: Professional Development to enhance our ideas for company growth.
This has probably been done before...but I love this idea and how it can help bring a special kind of classroom management into the classroom.
IDA conference
It was wonderful! I met Barbara Wilson!!! I could listen to her till the cows come home and then more. She has made such an impact on Dyslexics around the world. I will forever be indebted to her program for helping me learn how to read and spell. I saw this ad for a documentary about educating prison inmate...what if I could bring her program to them? Maybe that is what I will do when I retire....I highly doubt a job search would come up for Dyslexic Therapist needed in prison reform. Anyway....
Interesting at the conference, when I talked to the researchers after their session they supported Data Based Intervention and when I talked to the Reading therapist after their session they supported Reading Remediation Interventions. So I'm back to square one at my work...still not knowing what to do. I wish the schools would let Dyslexics in the school setting to complete remediation to the dyslexic students......RTI for reading incorporates too many students who are low in reading for too many different reasons.
I met a Dyslexic support group from my district and they invited me to their Sunday meeting. So I feel there is some support but they are so far behind my needs that I don't know how to get the support I need. They are in talks of providing teachers with accommodations for the LD students. I want to talk about the different interventions for the LD students. They want assissted technology in the school system for the LD student. I want the students to be evaluated so we know what kind of assistant technology best meets their needs. There needs to be better training. There needs to be more than just a law....there needs to be accountability.
And so the talks will still continue....and if there is any change...it will be far too late.
Interesting at the conference, when I talked to the researchers after their session they supported Data Based Intervention and when I talked to the Reading therapist after their session they supported Reading Remediation Interventions. So I'm back to square one at my work...still not knowing what to do. I wish the schools would let Dyslexics in the school setting to complete remediation to the dyslexic students......RTI for reading incorporates too many students who are low in reading for too many different reasons.
I met a Dyslexic support group from my district and they invited me to their Sunday meeting. So I feel there is some support but they are so far behind my needs that I don't know how to get the support I need. They are in talks of providing teachers with accommodations for the LD students. I want to talk about the different interventions for the LD students. They want assissted technology in the school system for the LD student. I want the students to be evaluated so we know what kind of assistant technology best meets their needs. There needs to be better training. There needs to be more than just a law....there needs to be accountability.
And so the talks will still continue....and if there is any change...it will be far too late.
Your Baby Girl
She is anxious. Growing up, but you can tell she is a little lost. I watched them the other night and the sweet girl painted our nails....pee your pants hilarious. We did a movie marathon with the Spy Kids series. And then we just talked until her dad came home.
She talked about how the teacher uses her to reexplain what the assignment is for the kids who were not paying attention. She is super annoyed by this.....hilarious! It sounds like her advisory teacher likes to vent to either her or the class...but I'm guessing it's her. And she wanted to hear stories of when she was a baby and you were pregnant with her. She loves hearing about you and how much you loved her.
She's 13.....unbelievable. For Christmas she wants gift cards....unthinkable for Grammy......art supplies and red plaid clothing. Gone are the days of cute dresses, now it's black leggings and sporty t-shirts. Grammy says she is ready for 0 petite size clothing.....and we begin the awkward clothing phase. You remember our awkward 80's phase? Stir-up pants, oversized shirts, neon colors, and big earrings. Speaking of big jewelry....I had a student who picked out the biggest piece of jewelry in my prize box (from Aunt Phyllis....so you know it was big). He said, "I'm from Milwaukee and we like to wear big jewelry." So cute...he wore that necklace like he was Tupac down the hallway of our school; so proud...chest out and head held up high......This big blinged out cross that took up half his chest, for the world to see.
Your first born, remembered the Lord's Prayer and I will continue to say it with them every chance that I get to put them to bed. A remembrance of his will, forgiveness, power, and glory forever.....even while our tears are streaming down our faces.....a much needed reminder.
She talked about how the teacher uses her to reexplain what the assignment is for the kids who were not paying attention. She is super annoyed by this.....hilarious! It sounds like her advisory teacher likes to vent to either her or the class...but I'm guessing it's her. And she wanted to hear stories of when she was a baby and you were pregnant with her. She loves hearing about you and how much you loved her.
She's 13.....unbelievable. For Christmas she wants gift cards....unthinkable for Grammy......art supplies and red plaid clothing. Gone are the days of cute dresses, now it's black leggings and sporty t-shirts. Grammy says she is ready for 0 petite size clothing.....and we begin the awkward clothing phase. You remember our awkward 80's phase? Stir-up pants, oversized shirts, neon colors, and big earrings. Speaking of big jewelry....I had a student who picked out the biggest piece of jewelry in my prize box (from Aunt Phyllis....so you know it was big). He said, "I'm from Milwaukee and we like to wear big jewelry." So cute...he wore that necklace like he was Tupac down the hallway of our school; so proud...chest out and head held up high......This big blinged out cross that took up half his chest, for the world to see.
Your first born, remembered the Lord's Prayer and I will continue to say it with them every chance that I get to put them to bed. A remembrance of his will, forgiveness, power, and glory forever.....even while our tears are streaming down our faces.....a much needed reminder.
Sunday, November 3, 2019
Starting to Look
What is Frustrating: No common goals between me and teachers, no true double dose, no curriculum, no encouragement/praise, no breaks, no protected lunch, no understanding of technology, administration who will be gone for a month for a surgery she could have done over the summer, administration that cries at every staff meeting, no collaboration, other people are putting their jobs onto my plate, not enough subs, I have to see classroom which a poorly managed,
I've already met with my old principal to talk about my options. She wants me to try to get hired right away but it just doesn't feel right. But I'm looking each week. And I'm starting to clean out my room. 4 bags of recycled papers and 5 boxes of items to go to Goodwill. Mom wishes I had taken the Reading Specialist job at her school. The woman that got hired is not very good. But she is going to the IDA conference this week so I think that shows signs of promise.
IDA.....so excited! There is going to be so much good information. Wilson and Pickering will be there! I wish you were around so I can talk to you about the sessions.
If I became a classroom teacher I could have a lunch, PLC's, manage my own classroom/not be in other teacher's classrooms, morning and afternoon recess, collect data, rewards for my students, collaboration,
What could be frustrating: Not getting support, not having SPED students get their minutes, parents, bodily fluids, trauma impacted kids, large class size, students who are absent, no EA, a lot of reading for new curriculum, report cards, a lot more standards besides reading, organizing field trips, lesson plans for subs, positive phone calls, referrals, runners, sensory over load,
A lot of my frustrations is with the district. I can't think that the grass is greener on the other side. But I do like professional change. And I'll keep talking it out, keep looking, and put one foot forward through the doors that open.
I've already met with my old principal to talk about my options. She wants me to try to get hired right away but it just doesn't feel right. But I'm looking each week. And I'm starting to clean out my room. 4 bags of recycled papers and 5 boxes of items to go to Goodwill. Mom wishes I had taken the Reading Specialist job at her school. The woman that got hired is not very good. But she is going to the IDA conference this week so I think that shows signs of promise.
IDA.....so excited! There is going to be so much good information. Wilson and Pickering will be there! I wish you were around so I can talk to you about the sessions.
If I became a classroom teacher I could have a lunch, PLC's, manage my own classroom/not be in other teacher's classrooms, morning and afternoon recess, collect data, rewards for my students, collaboration,
What could be frustrating: Not getting support, not having SPED students get their minutes, parents, bodily fluids, trauma impacted kids, large class size, students who are absent, no EA, a lot of reading for new curriculum, report cards, a lot more standards besides reading, organizing field trips, lesson plans for subs, positive phone calls, referrals, runners, sensory over load,
A lot of my frustrations is with the district. I can't think that the grass is greener on the other side. But I do like professional change. And I'll keep talking it out, keep looking, and put one foot forward through the doors that open.
Your Oldest is a Teenager.
Well your oldest had a birthday and she is now 13! Ni Ni came over from Chicago and bought a Red Velvet Cake. She also brought Cinnabon cimmanon rolls for her Birthday breakfast. Friday night she had a friend spend the night. And she texted me to ask if I could take them to the dance. She had her ripped jeans on and an athletic shirt. She straighted her hair for Halloween.....You would have not liked it at all!.....and a little lip liner....super cute. I wanted to sneak into the dance but their was such a huge crowd at the door I decided it was not worth the wait. But I imagined us waiting in the parking lot till it died down to peek our heads in. Your oldest said there was some usual crying in the bathroom from the 8th graders who had broken up with their boyfriends.
Anyway, I got her some boots (super cute) and body art pens. She got jeans, mechanical pencils, art supplies, and a replacement cross necklace. She was very happy. And more social media.....I want to send you stuff but this is better because I can't see that you haven't opened it.
Dad's birthday is soon and we'll be going to the Cheesecake Factory. Many a times I have thought I can't do this a lone. I'm not enough. There is so much hidden sadness and pain. We put up a strong front but we are hurting so much inside. My cards will never be enough...you always found the good cards. Hopefully, I can get through this event with a smile on face and I can hold the tears in until I get into my car for on the ride home.
Anyway, I got her some boots (super cute) and body art pens. She got jeans, mechanical pencils, art supplies, and a replacement cross necklace. She was very happy. And more social media.....I want to send you stuff but this is better because I can't see that you haven't opened it.
Dad's birthday is soon and we'll be going to the Cheesecake Factory. Many a times I have thought I can't do this a lone. I'm not enough. There is so much hidden sadness and pain. We put up a strong front but we are hurting so much inside. My cards will never be enough...you always found the good cards. Hopefully, I can get through this event with a smile on face and I can hold the tears in until I get into my car for on the ride home.
New Addition
I have a new addition to the family. I needed a companion for Nora and so I signed up for rescueme.org for a Cornish or Devon Rex. Well, a Devon Rex came up who lived in Washington. As I'm driving to go meet her guess what I passed! Preybstal Church! I couldn't believe it! So weird to see the building. It looked run down and old. Anyway. This woman used to have two Devon Rexes but one passed away and she didn't want this one (Paris) to be by herself. This $500 cat and all she wanted was $50 donated to the Humane Society.
Yes, she looks like Jack. So I now have Nora (mom likes her) and Nikki; named after the characters from the Thin Man series. And I like my hair pink.
I Think You Were Laughing the Whole Time.
Well, Halloween has come and gone. It was a strange one. The first one without you, the first one without your oldest, and the first one in the new subdivision. I ended up going with your baby to meet up with his friend. It was suppose to be a short little outing and then we would be going back home for dinner. Well, I left my phone at home, the friend's mother had a sick child and went home, and the friends dad (who is not with the mother) ended up changing his plans to stay in your baby's neighborhood. Two hours later!!! Trick or Treating with this total stranger (Even Ben hadn't met him) your baby tells me he's tired (and probably hungry) and we head home. People thought we were married and going with our sons Trick or Treating. I was Maleficent and the boy's father was some Uncle Sam Devil. However, I was so cold from the Downtown Festival that I had taken half of my costume off to wear my Winter coat and scarf.
Now there were parents with your oldest in her group. And it was fun to see her running around the neighborhood with her cape flying behind her. She was Super Girl and your baby was a big giant panda head. It was hilarious and 50% off. They made out like bandits with lot of goodies to eat for the rest of the year. I missed you. I missed this special time.
The weather was beautiful and your baby and I got some great pictures outside with the beautiful leaves. You would have loved it! The lighting, the Fall colors, the cute little kids costumes, and seeing all your friends in the neighborhood all dressed up with their kids. Ben stayed at home and passed out candy (in comfort). Unfortunately, in your oldest group there was one of his students and she needed to use the bathroom; your house was available. And there was your husband in his long underwear and drinking a beer! I can just imagine you watching over these hilarious situations and having a good chuckle. I hope they never get too old to dress up.
Now there were parents with your oldest in her group. And it was fun to see her running around the neighborhood with her cape flying behind her. She was Super Girl and your baby was a big giant panda head. It was hilarious and 50% off. They made out like bandits with lot of goodies to eat for the rest of the year. I missed you. I missed this special time.
The weather was beautiful and your baby and I got some great pictures outside with the beautiful leaves. You would have loved it! The lighting, the Fall colors, the cute little kids costumes, and seeing all your friends in the neighborhood all dressed up with their kids. Ben stayed at home and passed out candy (in comfort). Unfortunately, in your oldest group there was one of his students and she needed to use the bathroom; your house was available. And there was your husband in his long underwear and drinking a beer! I can just imagine you watching over these hilarious situations and having a good chuckle. I hope they never get too old to dress up.
Sunday, October 6, 2019
What is My Next Step
Well, I'm toying with the idea of being a classroom teacher. I'm praying about what I should do next. There will be a 2nd grade spot opening up next year with only 15 kids. It might be a good situation to be in for starting out as a classroom teacher. However, I would be staying in this district and that is discouraging. Or do I follow my old principal, knowing she will support me? Or do I go into the same district as your kids? It would be nice to have their same schedule. Their teachers are always getting planning and support time. But it would be a larger class size. So if you could sprinkle a little 'anti-anxiety' heaven dust down my way I would appreciate it. It was always so nice to be able to talk to you about these transitions because of your guidance and positive mind set. So, I'll keep sending you these notes of my thoughts in hopes that it will guide me in the right direction. However, God has always opened the door when I've needed it and it has always been a good direction for me.
Pros: small class sizes, there is a good 2nd grade teacher to collaborate with, there are specials (PE, Art, Library, Morning/Afternoon recess, classroom library, Project Read intervention, I wouldn't have to do duty, I wouldn't have to do the three year evaluation, I know how the school runs, I know the kids/parents, good first grade teachers in preparing kids.
Cons: the district, no / little technology, high trauma impacted kids, Lucy reading curriculum, SPED teachers don't meet their minutes with students, little trainings, teachers expected to do all interventions, few subs, a lot of testing, little budget, little parent involvement, liberal views, I'd have to learn all new curriculum, travel time, high number of transient students with little support.
I'll keep working....This is helping.
Thanks
Pros: small class sizes, there is a good 2nd grade teacher to collaborate with, there are specials (PE, Art, Library, Morning/Afternoon recess, classroom library, Project Read intervention, I wouldn't have to do duty, I wouldn't have to do the three year evaluation, I know how the school runs, I know the kids/parents, good first grade teachers in preparing kids.
Cons: the district, no / little technology, high trauma impacted kids, Lucy reading curriculum, SPED teachers don't meet their minutes with students, little trainings, teachers expected to do all interventions, few subs, a lot of testing, little budget, little parent involvement, liberal views, I'd have to learn all new curriculum, travel time, high number of transient students with little support.
I'll keep working....This is helping.
Thanks
The Struggle
So your baby is in a pickle. He lost is DS case with all his games in Costa Rica. And he has not told his dad. I know if you were around you would smooth the blow with hugs, motivational speeches, and nightly talks on how you were the same way.
I'm trying my best to encourage him to be honest but this is very hard for him. The struggle is real and I get it. I know he needs to do this instead of spinning the web of lies when it comes to his DS games. It's so hard for me not to say anything to his dad and to watch your baby go deeper and deeper into this secret.
We went shopping this weekend and traveled to three different Game Stops to buy one of the lost games. He thinks that if he finds all the games and the case he lost then his dad will not find out. Is it my role to encourage him to be honest on his own or to hint at his dad to bring this out in the open? I so wish you were here. You would have the right things to say; I miss your compassion and wisdom. It hurts because you know they are making a bad decision and also because we know he came by this honestly.
On a side note he did ask what I thought he should be when he grows up. So, I think his dreams of being homeless and a bank robber have sailed away.
I'm trying my best to encourage him to be honest but this is very hard for him. The struggle is real and I get it. I know he needs to do this instead of spinning the web of lies when it comes to his DS games. It's so hard for me not to say anything to his dad and to watch your baby go deeper and deeper into this secret.
We went shopping this weekend and traveled to three different Game Stops to buy one of the lost games. He thinks that if he finds all the games and the case he lost then his dad will not find out. Is it my role to encourage him to be honest on his own or to hint at his dad to bring this out in the open? I so wish you were here. You would have the right things to say; I miss your compassion and wisdom. It hurts because you know they are making a bad decision and also because we know he came by this honestly.
On a side note he did ask what I thought he should be when he grows up. So, I think his dreams of being homeless and a bank robber have sailed away.
Sunday, September 29, 2019
We Miss You.
It was the first time your best friend didn't get a hilarious sassy birthday card from you. It was the Anthropology sale, where you find all those great deals. The sale has passed and your friends are missing stories of your great finds. Seeing you with your camera at the soccer games. And just being at home preparing snacks for your kids and greeting them when they come home from school. Open houses have passed. Your eldest has brought home her first wood working project and wants to redecorate her room (again). They are building a Hobby Lobby near my house and you would have been so excited. Reaching out to hold mom's hand. And giving dad a hug. Sabrina wanting your warm lap and scratch behind her ear. Meals are from Costco and cookies are store bought. You would roll your eyes. Huffles is still angry at the world and your oldest keeps love him like no other. Faithfully, trying to break down the hard exterior. I can't imagine as the years roll by that it gets easier. It seems to me that it's getting harder.
I met with a Reading Specailist
Well,
I met with a Reading Specialist and 15 minute into the conversation we both realized that she is a firm believer in Whole- Part-Whole language learning through reading books. And I am a firm believer in Part to Whole language learning through sequential and systematic teaching with books that follow the sequential teaching. You know each are passionate about their beliefs and do not budge. I budged only because I am uncomfortable in confrontational settings and lack academic vocabulary.
It was very hard for me to hear for an hour and a half all the things (that taught me how to read; as a struggling reader) was wrong. And that I should have struggling readers not sound out words but guess and then affirm them when they are wrong. At one point she was modeling her method and I started to cry. It must have been the trauma of my whole to part schooling resurfacing. And I said to her then I can't be a Reading Specialist. If that is how they want me to teach then I need to change jobs. I just wished I could have the confidence to be a Dyslexic Therapist full time. No retirement, no health care, no guarantee of students, and not enough pay to support my mortgage/bills.
I need to believe in my method. I need to believe in my scores. I need to believe in my training. I have my evidence. I have my life to prove this works. I have realized that I need affirmation.....probably more than the average person. This would be the product from the public school system failing to teach me how to read. I am Dyslexic. The Whole to Part left me with uncertainty, lack of connection in my brain, anxiety, little reading skills, and no confidence.
The IDA conference will give me that boost. That support. That affirmation. (Plus, I will get to meet Barbara Wilson and tell her face to face 'Thank you'!!!!!) And I will pray that God will give me the confidence to finish this year strong in my beliefs. Then find a place where I will get affirmation through my boss or coworkers.
On a bright note. During the meeting a fourth grader came to my room asking for an assignment for her and her friends to do in her classroom. A little sunlight beaming through the rain clouds.
I met with a Reading Specialist and 15 minute into the conversation we both realized that she is a firm believer in Whole- Part-Whole language learning through reading books. And I am a firm believer in Part to Whole language learning through sequential and systematic teaching with books that follow the sequential teaching. You know each are passionate about their beliefs and do not budge. I budged only because I am uncomfortable in confrontational settings and lack academic vocabulary.
It was very hard for me to hear for an hour and a half all the things (that taught me how to read; as a struggling reader) was wrong. And that I should have struggling readers not sound out words but guess and then affirm them when they are wrong. At one point she was modeling her method and I started to cry. It must have been the trauma of my whole to part schooling resurfacing. And I said to her then I can't be a Reading Specialist. If that is how they want me to teach then I need to change jobs. I just wished I could have the confidence to be a Dyslexic Therapist full time. No retirement, no health care, no guarantee of students, and not enough pay to support my mortgage/bills.
I need to believe in my method. I need to believe in my scores. I need to believe in my training. I have my evidence. I have my life to prove this works. I have realized that I need affirmation.....probably more than the average person. This would be the product from the public school system failing to teach me how to read. I am Dyslexic. The Whole to Part left me with uncertainty, lack of connection in my brain, anxiety, little reading skills, and no confidence.
The IDA conference will give me that boost. That support. That affirmation. (Plus, I will get to meet Barbara Wilson and tell her face to face 'Thank you'!!!!!) And I will pray that God will give me the confidence to finish this year strong in my beliefs. Then find a place where I will get affirmation through my boss or coworkers.
On a bright note. During the meeting a fourth grader came to my room asking for an assignment for her and her friends to do in her classroom. A little sunlight beaming through the rain clouds.
Time to Celebrate
Well, your oldest scored a goal in yesterday's game. It changed her whole style of play. It made her more confident, aggressive, and attentive. She was so happy. Although trying her best to high it....Tía brought the smiles out. We then celebrated by going to Dutch Bros. and shopping. She picked out the cutest boots for Christmas. Our shopping was cut short and Grandma had the cutest/saddest reaction. You know the connection we have...Grandma goes to one more place and we went to the car and just giggled.
I had game night at my house and we just giggled...we were on the same team and there is this connection that is un-explainable. You know....we knew the day that she first focused on me. One of the best days of my life. The best gift you gave me was having kids. She is beautiful...even with pimples and braces! We won by the way.....Pictionary.
She has another game today. I hope the rain stops. I can imagine it's no fun playing in the rain.
I had game night at my house and we just giggled...we were on the same team and there is this connection that is un-explainable. You know....we knew the day that she first focused on me. One of the best days of my life. The best gift you gave me was having kids. She is beautiful...even with pimples and braces! We won by the way.....Pictionary.
She has another game today. I hope the rain stops. I can imagine it's no fun playing in the rain.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Needing a Benediction
I have decided that having a Benediction each morning would get me in the right mindset. And I love hearing about it every morning. I call my dad on my way to work and he finds a different one for me each day (with some repeats on the classic ones).
Numbers 6:22-26 - The LORD said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them: “The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
And this was a text I got from my dad: May the love of the Father, the tenderness of the Son, and the presence of the Spirit, gladden your heart and bring peace to your soul, this day and all days, Amen.
But I have also changed some things in my day that is helping me make better choices, have a better attitude, and being more productive.
1. I am now taking a lunch. And for the first time in my professional career (21 years) I'm not working through my lunch. I'm texting with friends, browsing through the Internet, and checking Instagram feeds.
2. I'm closing and locking my door during planning and prep time.
3. I'm saying 'no' more often. (I need to work on this one)
4. I'm playing outdoor games with the students during recess and giving a lot of High Fives.
5. I'm venting on this Blog and not to co-workers.
6. Leaving on time and not bringing anything home.
7. If I wake up early I get up and enjoy a cup of coffee with mood lightening, plushy pillows, cool breeze, maybe an extra long shower, and a little Sandy Patti.
This week has been a lot better. And I have actually enjoyed teaching Reading with my kids.
Numbers 6:22-26 - The LORD said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them: “The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
And this was a text I got from my dad: May the love of the Father, the tenderness of the Son, and the presence of the Spirit, gladden your heart and bring peace to your soul, this day and all days, Amen.
But I have also changed some things in my day that is helping me make better choices, have a better attitude, and being more productive.
1. I am now taking a lunch. And for the first time in my professional career (21 years) I'm not working through my lunch. I'm texting with friends, browsing through the Internet, and checking Instagram feeds.
2. I'm closing and locking my door during planning and prep time.
3. I'm saying 'no' more often. (I need to work on this one)
4. I'm playing outdoor games with the students during recess and giving a lot of High Fives.
5. I'm venting on this Blog and not to co-workers.
6. Leaving on time and not bringing anything home.
7. If I wake up early I get up and enjoy a cup of coffee with mood lightening, plushy pillows, cool breeze, maybe an extra long shower, and a little Sandy Patti.
This week has been a lot better. And I have actually enjoyed teaching Reading with my kids.
New Foster Kittens
I have about two more weeks with these lovely furniture ruining fluff balls.
They are going to be adopted very quickly. I just hope the mama gets adopted so she doesn't have to stay at the shelter.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Stressed
Well my job this year is stressful as ever. My Title 1 school is no joke when it comes to trauma, lack of support, and Dog Eat Dog kind of world.
I have a schedule like no other. I have had this schedule before and I wish I would of documented how stressful it was to remind me not to return. Back to back classes, morning, recess, afternoon duty, and 40 kid case load.
It's the same business of yelling, screaming, throwing chairs, hitting others, running away, and taking every opportunity to skip class; at this is elementary school. I hear it down the hall and next door to my classroom. There is probably abuse going on at homes. We have called department of child services and the same record has been played of nothing being done.
It is abusive how the adults are being treated. And we are told to document, use resorative conversations, community circles, reward systems, and give them squishy toys to get them to talk about how they are feeling. I don't see it getting any better. As a specialist, I don't get PLC time, Art/PE/Library, counseling, morning/afternoon recess breaks, and so far not a lunch. My case load is 2 or 3 times the size of the classroom teachers with the addition of morning and afternoon duties. Plus, not only am I supporting the struggling readers (mostly ESL and SPED students) they want me to support the social emotional struggling students during the only free time I have to use the bathroom. If I say no then I'm shamed for not helping these students.
Five years ago I did have a calling to bring reading remediation to Title 1 schools. And I would love for that passion to return. But when kids are surrounding a smaller female student in an aggressive gang like behavior as means of intimidation. And then targeting her numerous times after she told them to stop as she is crying and hugging me for protection; I just don't think my heart can take anymore abuse.
I was hired to help struggling readers learn how to read. But I'm finding that I'm spending more of my time parenting children on how to make better choices. That's not what my degree is in. These children are needing to be taught how to hold a conversation, how to be nice, how to share, how to tell the truth, how to be flexible, how to be respectful, how to listen, how to play together, and how to work as a team. Students in my Title 1 school are trying to survive life and that doesn't not fit in with the classroom environment. If these behaviors were happening at an affluent school the parents would be demanding a change. This is a special calling and I guess I don't have what it takes anymore.
Where is our support? Where are the Instructional Assistants? Where are the Sped teachers? Where are the Paraeducators? It is very frustrating when we don't have enough Sped teachers to meet all their student's minutes so they put the students in my reading class. The ESL program isn't helping improve their reading so teachers put them in my reading class. However, I'm not ESL or SPED endorsed. So, when my case load is over 50% ESL students shouldn't that tell the district that we need more ESL teachers? When Sped students are put in an intervention class to meet their reading minutes shouldn't that tell the district that we need more Sped teachers? And if I'm spending more of my time, including my planning for supporting social emotional students, shouldn't the district allow a budget to support these students so I can focus on getting students to read a grade level? Or maybe I could get equal amounts of planning time like my coworkers; that would be nice?
Survival Mode. I look back at my old posts on teaching. I want that back. My fifth year in Title 1....make it or break it. I'm curious if I end up staying in this profession. So far three teachers have cried while having a conversation with me; and it's only September! Will I find my passion again? Will I find a home where I can bring my OG multisensory style of teaching reading to those who struggle? Or has this career path come to an end?
I guess I will take one day at a time.
I will try to find the good in the day.
I will fight for a lunch and not feel guilty.
I will hope. I will encourage those who are abused.
If it doesn't get better, I will seek therapy.
I have a schedule like no other. I have had this schedule before and I wish I would of documented how stressful it was to remind me not to return. Back to back classes, morning, recess, afternoon duty, and 40 kid case load.
It's the same business of yelling, screaming, throwing chairs, hitting others, running away, and taking every opportunity to skip class; at this is elementary school. I hear it down the hall and next door to my classroom. There is probably abuse going on at homes. We have called department of child services and the same record has been played of nothing being done.
It is abusive how the adults are being treated. And we are told to document, use resorative conversations, community circles, reward systems, and give them squishy toys to get them to talk about how they are feeling. I don't see it getting any better. As a specialist, I don't get PLC time, Art/PE/Library, counseling, morning/afternoon recess breaks, and so far not a lunch. My case load is 2 or 3 times the size of the classroom teachers with the addition of morning and afternoon duties. Plus, not only am I supporting the struggling readers (mostly ESL and SPED students) they want me to support the social emotional struggling students during the only free time I have to use the bathroom. If I say no then I'm shamed for not helping these students.
Five years ago I did have a calling to bring reading remediation to Title 1 schools. And I would love for that passion to return. But when kids are surrounding a smaller female student in an aggressive gang like behavior as means of intimidation. And then targeting her numerous times after she told them to stop as she is crying and hugging me for protection; I just don't think my heart can take anymore abuse.
I was hired to help struggling readers learn how to read. But I'm finding that I'm spending more of my time parenting children on how to make better choices. That's not what my degree is in. These children are needing to be taught how to hold a conversation, how to be nice, how to share, how to tell the truth, how to be flexible, how to be respectful, how to listen, how to play together, and how to work as a team. Students in my Title 1 school are trying to survive life and that doesn't not fit in with the classroom environment. If these behaviors were happening at an affluent school the parents would be demanding a change. This is a special calling and I guess I don't have what it takes anymore.
Where is our support? Where are the Instructional Assistants? Where are the Sped teachers? Where are the Paraeducators? It is very frustrating when we don't have enough Sped teachers to meet all their student's minutes so they put the students in my reading class. The ESL program isn't helping improve their reading so teachers put them in my reading class. However, I'm not ESL or SPED endorsed. So, when my case load is over 50% ESL students shouldn't that tell the district that we need more ESL teachers? When Sped students are put in an intervention class to meet their reading minutes shouldn't that tell the district that we need more Sped teachers? And if I'm spending more of my time, including my planning for supporting social emotional students, shouldn't the district allow a budget to support these students so I can focus on getting students to read a grade level? Or maybe I could get equal amounts of planning time like my coworkers; that would be nice?
Survival Mode. I look back at my old posts on teaching. I want that back. My fifth year in Title 1....make it or break it. I'm curious if I end up staying in this profession. So far three teachers have cried while having a conversation with me; and it's only September! Will I find my passion again? Will I find a home where I can bring my OG multisensory style of teaching reading to those who struggle? Or has this career path come to an end?
I guess I will take one day at a time.
I will try to find the good in the day.
I will fight for a lunch and not feel guilty.
I will hope. I will encourage those who are abused.
If it doesn't get better, I will seek therapy.
Raining Tears in My Heart
Miss you so much. The weather is getting colder, leaves are falling, and the rain is becoming more often. It's times like these that are the hardest with my sadness.
So I wanted to tell you about the liter box I have created. I found this long chest with wheels on Craigslist for $45. Then I painted it yellow, blue, then white. After the paint dried I sanded it down to expose all the colors. Dad cut out a square hole on one of the sides so Nora could go in and out. Now it's long and that is important because you know how I hate stepping on scattered pieces of litter on the floor. Since the chest is long Nora has to walk over several litter carpets after she is done doing her business.
Then I went to Hobby Lobby to pick out new hinges and decals for the front of the chest. The hinges were tricky because I shop for how they look not for how they will fit. I had to saw off some of the side pieces, chip away at some of the wood, and rearrange the top but managed to get the top back on. It's cracking where some of the screws were put in since there were so many holes to begin with but that will give me a future project. Now the decal was a waste of money. It was so pretty with antler horns and flowers.......but it wouldn't come off the paper, it stuck to my hair, peeled the paint off the chest, and ripped like it was tin foil. I just threw that away and said good riddance. Therefore, I had to do a bit more sanding to give it that shabby chic look.
Today I went to Home TJ Max and bought a light pink, grey, off white, tan, light blue plaid blanket to drape over the top and hide the side hole. (And hopefully trap the odor in) And I found two big fake furry off white, tan, grey pillows that are softer than cashmere. Plus, a narrow long white fake furry pillow to go across the back. And I got some air fresheners to put inside the box in case the smell is offensive to anyone who wants to sit on top.
The litter box is next to the back door facing the back porch so if I need to air out the space I can just open the sliding door. Plus, if I want a cozy place to sit and drink tea I can curl up on the pillows and look out into the green space.
You would love it. You would have rubbed your hands across the pillows, closed your eyes and made some complimentary comment. I wish we could hang out at my house and have our talks. I miss laughing with you and making you laugh. I see things on Instagram that you would love. This person made a wreath out of cardboard and wrapped the cardboard in white yarn. Then made these yarn balls and hot glued them to the wreath. You liked those simple types of projects with the basic colors. Very little hot glue involved. :)
Your babies had soccer games this weekend. Your youngest is improving on his foot skills. He has a really good coach. Sometimes your baby had a hard time focusing. I wonder where his mind goes.....it would have tugged on your heart a little knowing it was a little piece of you. It's cute how he looks at his dad on the sidelines looking for direction and a sense of approval. He wants to please everyone so bad. A lot like his mama. Your oldest had a game in another state and we didn't go. I'll test her and get the details latter on in the week. We are going to have dinner and game night at Tía's house on Friday.
Today in church I read Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. It's just so hard when my heart breaks because you are not around. This fight is so hard at times.
So I wanted to tell you about the liter box I have created. I found this long chest with wheels on Craigslist for $45. Then I painted it yellow, blue, then white. After the paint dried I sanded it down to expose all the colors. Dad cut out a square hole on one of the sides so Nora could go in and out. Now it's long and that is important because you know how I hate stepping on scattered pieces of litter on the floor. Since the chest is long Nora has to walk over several litter carpets after she is done doing her business.
Then I went to Hobby Lobby to pick out new hinges and decals for the front of the chest. The hinges were tricky because I shop for how they look not for how they will fit. I had to saw off some of the side pieces, chip away at some of the wood, and rearrange the top but managed to get the top back on. It's cracking where some of the screws were put in since there were so many holes to begin with but that will give me a future project. Now the decal was a waste of money. It was so pretty with antler horns and flowers.......but it wouldn't come off the paper, it stuck to my hair, peeled the paint off the chest, and ripped like it was tin foil. I just threw that away and said good riddance. Therefore, I had to do a bit more sanding to give it that shabby chic look.
Today I went to Home TJ Max and bought a light pink, grey, off white, tan, light blue plaid blanket to drape over the top and hide the side hole. (And hopefully trap the odor in) And I found two big fake furry off white, tan, grey pillows that are softer than cashmere. Plus, a narrow long white fake furry pillow to go across the back. And I got some air fresheners to put inside the box in case the smell is offensive to anyone who wants to sit on top.
The litter box is next to the back door facing the back porch so if I need to air out the space I can just open the sliding door. Plus, if I want a cozy place to sit and drink tea I can curl up on the pillows and look out into the green space.
You would love it. You would have rubbed your hands across the pillows, closed your eyes and made some complimentary comment. I wish we could hang out at my house and have our talks. I miss laughing with you and making you laugh. I see things on Instagram that you would love. This person made a wreath out of cardboard and wrapped the cardboard in white yarn. Then made these yarn balls and hot glued them to the wreath. You liked those simple types of projects with the basic colors. Very little hot glue involved. :)
Your babies had soccer games this weekend. Your youngest is improving on his foot skills. He has a really good coach. Sometimes your baby had a hard time focusing. I wonder where his mind goes.....it would have tugged on your heart a little knowing it was a little piece of you. It's cute how he looks at his dad on the sidelines looking for direction and a sense of approval. He wants to please everyone so bad. A lot like his mama. Your oldest had a game in another state and we didn't go. I'll test her and get the details latter on in the week. We are going to have dinner and game night at Tía's house on Friday.
Today in church I read Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. It's just so hard when my heart breaks because you are not around. This fight is so hard at times.
Sunday, September 15, 2019
School Has Started
Your baby likes his teacher. He says she is athletic and very strict. The bully student that had five brothers is gone from the school. I think he is the 'teachers pet'. You would love how he looks up to his big sister. We took them out to dinner the other night and he was just smiling at her and making her giggle. She got her teeth pulled out by the way and she took it like a pro......less than 20 minutes. I wish I could tell you more but I honestly can't remember because I was giving him such a bad time about his teacher. Then some how the conversation took a turn on men lactating......
Your oldest is taking woodworking class and I think she enjoys it. It is so cute hearing her talk about the sanding belt and drill bits. Soccer and her teeth kind of take over most of the conversations. I try to remember to text her how much I love her. My heart breaks you aren't there to make them snacks for when they come home from school. I wish I could be there to do that for them. Grampa is reading the Harry Potter books so they have something in common to talk about. He is on book three and it's so cute how he asks questions while she is watching her brother's soccer games.
They are going to have lots of friends, make great grades, and spread their smiles to those who need one. You would be proud of who they are and the smart choices they make....(except for your oldest wearing shirts that show her mid drift) We are trying to catch her on that one.....I smile to think when her mama was around she didn't get away with that one. I will say on the soccer team she was one of the few players with the longest shorts and she had her shirt tucked in. That one would make you proud.
Love and miss you tremendously. Send down some hugs for me. Ms. Alicia isn't working at my school any more and with you gone; my hugs are dwindling down for when I see dad on the weekends.
Your oldest is taking woodworking class and I think she enjoys it. It is so cute hearing her talk about the sanding belt and drill bits. Soccer and her teeth kind of take over most of the conversations. I try to remember to text her how much I love her. My heart breaks you aren't there to make them snacks for when they come home from school. I wish I could be there to do that for them. Grampa is reading the Harry Potter books so they have something in common to talk about. He is on book three and it's so cute how he asks questions while she is watching her brother's soccer games.
They are going to have lots of friends, make great grades, and spread their smiles to those who need one. You would be proud of who they are and the smart choices they make....(except for your oldest wearing shirts that show her mid drift) We are trying to catch her on that one.....I smile to think when her mama was around she didn't get away with that one. I will say on the soccer team she was one of the few players with the longest shorts and she had her shirt tucked in. That one would make you proud.
Love and miss you tremendously. Send down some hugs for me. Ms. Alicia isn't working at my school any more and with you gone; my hugs are dwindling down for when I see dad on the weekends.
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