Well my job this year is stressful as ever. My Title 1 school is no joke when it comes to trauma, lack of support, and Dog Eat Dog kind of world.
I have a schedule like no other. I have had this schedule before and I wish I would of documented how stressful it was to remind me not to return. Back to back classes, morning, recess, afternoon duty, and 40 kid case load.
It's the same business of yelling, screaming, throwing chairs, hitting others, running away, and taking every opportunity to skip class; at this is elementary school. I hear it down the hall and next door to my classroom. There is probably abuse going on at homes. We have called department of child services and the same record has been played of nothing being done.
It is abusive how the adults are being treated. And we are told to document, use resorative conversations, community circles, reward systems, and give them squishy toys to get them to talk about how they are feeling. I don't see it getting any better. As a specialist, I don't get PLC time, Art/PE/Library, counseling, morning/afternoon recess breaks, and so far not a lunch. My case load is 2 or 3 times the size of the classroom teachers with the addition of morning and afternoon duties. Plus, not only am I supporting the struggling readers (mostly ESL and SPED students) they want me to support the social emotional struggling students during the only free time I have to use the bathroom. If I say no then I'm shamed for not helping these students.
Five years ago I did have a calling to bring reading remediation to Title 1 schools. And I would love for that passion to return. But when kids are surrounding a smaller female student in an aggressive gang like behavior as means of intimidation. And then targeting her numerous times after she told them to stop as she is crying and hugging me for protection; I just don't think my heart can take anymore abuse.
I was hired to help struggling readers learn how to read. But I'm finding that I'm spending more of my time parenting children on how to make better choices. That's not what my degree is in. These children are needing to be taught how to hold a conversation, how to be nice, how to share, how to tell the truth, how to be flexible, how to be respectful, how to listen, how to play together, and how to work as a team. Students in my Title 1 school are trying to survive life and that doesn't not fit in with the classroom environment. If these behaviors were happening at an affluent school the parents would be demanding a change. This is a special calling and I guess I don't have what it takes anymore.
Where is our support? Where are the Instructional Assistants? Where are the Sped teachers? Where are the Paraeducators? It is very frustrating when we don't have enough Sped teachers to meet all their student's minutes so they put the students in my reading class. The ESL program isn't helping improve their reading so teachers put them in my reading class. However, I'm not ESL or SPED endorsed. So, when my case load is over 50% ESL students shouldn't that tell the district that we need more ESL teachers? When Sped students are put in an intervention class to meet their reading minutes shouldn't that tell the district that we need more Sped teachers? And if I'm spending more of my time, including my planning for supporting social emotional students, shouldn't the district allow a budget to support these students so I can focus on getting students to read a grade level? Or maybe I could get equal amounts of planning time like my coworkers; that would be nice?
Survival Mode. I look back at my old posts on teaching. I want that back. My fifth year in Title 1....make it or break it. I'm curious if I end up staying in this profession. So far three teachers have cried while having a conversation with me; and it's only September! Will I find my passion again? Will I find a home where I can bring my OG multisensory style of teaching reading to those who struggle? Or has this career path come to an end?
I guess I will take one day at a time.
I will try to find the good in the day.
I will fight for a lunch and not feel guilty.
I will hope. I will encourage those who are abused.
If it doesn't get better, I will seek therapy.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Raining Tears in My Heart
Miss you so much. The weather is getting colder, leaves are falling, and the rain is becoming more often. It's times like these that are the hardest with my sadness.
So I wanted to tell you about the liter box I have created. I found this long chest with wheels on Craigslist for $45. Then I painted it yellow, blue, then white. After the paint dried I sanded it down to expose all the colors. Dad cut out a square hole on one of the sides so Nora could go in and out. Now it's long and that is important because you know how I hate stepping on scattered pieces of litter on the floor. Since the chest is long Nora has to walk over several litter carpets after she is done doing her business.
Then I went to Hobby Lobby to pick out new hinges and decals for the front of the chest. The hinges were tricky because I shop for how they look not for how they will fit. I had to saw off some of the side pieces, chip away at some of the wood, and rearrange the top but managed to get the top back on. It's cracking where some of the screws were put in since there were so many holes to begin with but that will give me a future project. Now the decal was a waste of money. It was so pretty with antler horns and flowers.......but it wouldn't come off the paper, it stuck to my hair, peeled the paint off the chest, and ripped like it was tin foil. I just threw that away and said good riddance. Therefore, I had to do a bit more sanding to give it that shabby chic look.
Today I went to Home TJ Max and bought a light pink, grey, off white, tan, light blue plaid blanket to drape over the top and hide the side hole. (And hopefully trap the odor in) And I found two big fake furry off white, tan, grey pillows that are softer than cashmere. Plus, a narrow long white fake furry pillow to go across the back. And I got some air fresheners to put inside the box in case the smell is offensive to anyone who wants to sit on top.
The litter box is next to the back door facing the back porch so if I need to air out the space I can just open the sliding door. Plus, if I want a cozy place to sit and drink tea I can curl up on the pillows and look out into the green space.
You would love it. You would have rubbed your hands across the pillows, closed your eyes and made some complimentary comment. I wish we could hang out at my house and have our talks. I miss laughing with you and making you laugh. I see things on Instagram that you would love. This person made a wreath out of cardboard and wrapped the cardboard in white yarn. Then made these yarn balls and hot glued them to the wreath. You liked those simple types of projects with the basic colors. Very little hot glue involved. :)
Your babies had soccer games this weekend. Your youngest is improving on his foot skills. He has a really good coach. Sometimes your baby had a hard time focusing. I wonder where his mind goes.....it would have tugged on your heart a little knowing it was a little piece of you. It's cute how he looks at his dad on the sidelines looking for direction and a sense of approval. He wants to please everyone so bad. A lot like his mama. Your oldest had a game in another state and we didn't go. I'll test her and get the details latter on in the week. We are going to have dinner and game night at Tía's house on Friday.
Today in church I read Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. It's just so hard when my heart breaks because you are not around. This fight is so hard at times.
So I wanted to tell you about the liter box I have created. I found this long chest with wheels on Craigslist for $45. Then I painted it yellow, blue, then white. After the paint dried I sanded it down to expose all the colors. Dad cut out a square hole on one of the sides so Nora could go in and out. Now it's long and that is important because you know how I hate stepping on scattered pieces of litter on the floor. Since the chest is long Nora has to walk over several litter carpets after she is done doing her business.
Then I went to Hobby Lobby to pick out new hinges and decals for the front of the chest. The hinges were tricky because I shop for how they look not for how they will fit. I had to saw off some of the side pieces, chip away at some of the wood, and rearrange the top but managed to get the top back on. It's cracking where some of the screws were put in since there were so many holes to begin with but that will give me a future project. Now the decal was a waste of money. It was so pretty with antler horns and flowers.......but it wouldn't come off the paper, it stuck to my hair, peeled the paint off the chest, and ripped like it was tin foil. I just threw that away and said good riddance. Therefore, I had to do a bit more sanding to give it that shabby chic look.
Today I went to Home TJ Max and bought a light pink, grey, off white, tan, light blue plaid blanket to drape over the top and hide the side hole. (And hopefully trap the odor in) And I found two big fake furry off white, tan, grey pillows that are softer than cashmere. Plus, a narrow long white fake furry pillow to go across the back. And I got some air fresheners to put inside the box in case the smell is offensive to anyone who wants to sit on top.
The litter box is next to the back door facing the back porch so if I need to air out the space I can just open the sliding door. Plus, if I want a cozy place to sit and drink tea I can curl up on the pillows and look out into the green space.
You would love it. You would have rubbed your hands across the pillows, closed your eyes and made some complimentary comment. I wish we could hang out at my house and have our talks. I miss laughing with you and making you laugh. I see things on Instagram that you would love. This person made a wreath out of cardboard and wrapped the cardboard in white yarn. Then made these yarn balls and hot glued them to the wreath. You liked those simple types of projects with the basic colors. Very little hot glue involved. :)
Your babies had soccer games this weekend. Your youngest is improving on his foot skills. He has a really good coach. Sometimes your baby had a hard time focusing. I wonder where his mind goes.....it would have tugged on your heart a little knowing it was a little piece of you. It's cute how he looks at his dad on the sidelines looking for direction and a sense of approval. He wants to please everyone so bad. A lot like his mama. Your oldest had a game in another state and we didn't go. I'll test her and get the details latter on in the week. We are going to have dinner and game night at Tía's house on Friday.
Today in church I read Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. It's just so hard when my heart breaks because you are not around. This fight is so hard at times.
Sunday, September 15, 2019
School Has Started
Your baby likes his teacher. He says she is athletic and very strict. The bully student that had five brothers is gone from the school. I think he is the 'teachers pet'. You would love how he looks up to his big sister. We took them out to dinner the other night and he was just smiling at her and making her giggle. She got her teeth pulled out by the way and she took it like a pro......less than 20 minutes. I wish I could tell you more but I honestly can't remember because I was giving him such a bad time about his teacher. Then some how the conversation took a turn on men lactating......
Your oldest is taking woodworking class and I think she enjoys it. It is so cute hearing her talk about the sanding belt and drill bits. Soccer and her teeth kind of take over most of the conversations. I try to remember to text her how much I love her. My heart breaks you aren't there to make them snacks for when they come home from school. I wish I could be there to do that for them. Grampa is reading the Harry Potter books so they have something in common to talk about. He is on book three and it's so cute how he asks questions while she is watching her brother's soccer games.
They are going to have lots of friends, make great grades, and spread their smiles to those who need one. You would be proud of who they are and the smart choices they make....(except for your oldest wearing shirts that show her mid drift) We are trying to catch her on that one.....I smile to think when her mama was around she didn't get away with that one. I will say on the soccer team she was one of the few players with the longest shorts and she had her shirt tucked in. That one would make you proud.
Love and miss you tremendously. Send down some hugs for me. Ms. Alicia isn't working at my school any more and with you gone; my hugs are dwindling down for when I see dad on the weekends.
Your oldest is taking woodworking class and I think she enjoys it. It is so cute hearing her talk about the sanding belt and drill bits. Soccer and her teeth kind of take over most of the conversations. I try to remember to text her how much I love her. My heart breaks you aren't there to make them snacks for when they come home from school. I wish I could be there to do that for them. Grampa is reading the Harry Potter books so they have something in common to talk about. He is on book three and it's so cute how he asks questions while she is watching her brother's soccer games.
They are going to have lots of friends, make great grades, and spread their smiles to those who need one. You would be proud of who they are and the smart choices they make....(except for your oldest wearing shirts that show her mid drift) We are trying to catch her on that one.....I smile to think when her mama was around she didn't get away with that one. I will say on the soccer team she was one of the few players with the longest shorts and she had her shirt tucked in. That one would make you proud.
Love and miss you tremendously. Send down some hugs for me. Ms. Alicia isn't working at my school any more and with you gone; my hugs are dwindling down for when I see dad on the weekends.
I Adopted Mama Kitty
I have adopted Mama Kitty and decided to name her: Nora Adhira. Nora, because I like the Thin Man series and Adhira because that is the goddess of lightening. She follows me around, lets me cradle her in my arms. She got an eye infection so the vet visits have already started in the first week. You would love her!
So, I have five cats at my house. Nora upstairs, Mama cat and her three babies downstairs. Nora looks like our cat growing up. She is soft again, her belly hair is growing, fleas are gone, and she meows every time I leave the house.
So crazy...I feel like I'm cleaning the litter boxes left and right. They go through so much food....I guess, I will be going to Costco tomorrow to pick up the big bag of cat food. She probably needs a friend to stay with her while I am at work. But you can tell she is very appreciated and it turned out to be a good fit.
The babies downstairs are sleeping next to me. Mama cat comes and gives me some sugar when she wants food. Their fleas are gone and they are all using the little box, so I've let them roam all downstairs. Poor Nora hates it when I go down there. She wants to visit the cats so bad. I showed Mama cat Nora through the downstairs door windows....she wasn't too happy. Nora was quite nice...it must be Mama cat protecting the babies.
So, I have five cats at my house. Nora upstairs, Mama cat and her three babies downstairs. Nora looks like our cat growing up. She is soft again, her belly hair is growing, fleas are gone, and she meows every time I leave the house.
So crazy...I feel like I'm cleaning the litter boxes left and right. They go through so much food....I guess, I will be going to Costco tomorrow to pick up the big bag of cat food. She probably needs a friend to stay with her while I am at work. But you can tell she is very appreciated and it turned out to be a good fit.
The babies downstairs are sleeping next to me. Mama cat comes and gives me some sugar when she wants food. Their fleas are gone and they are all using the little box, so I've let them roam all downstairs. Poor Nora hates it when I go down there. She wants to visit the cats so bad. I showed Mama cat Nora through the downstairs door windows....she wasn't too happy. Nora was quite nice...it must be Mama cat protecting the babies.
Soccer Season has Started
You would have been so proud. Yesterday was your baby's game and he was the goalie for the first half. Hard for him to be so focused when most of the game is being played on the other side of the field. But the second half he was out there getting that ball and trying to make an assist. There are two other kids on the team that take over the game, but it helps them win and that makes your baby happy.
Now your oldest had a game on the big field in the pouring rain. It was cold, raining, and their shoe laces were all coming undone. She was in the middles and had good passes and tried to be aggressive. I thought she was being very brave because the opponent was always a foot taller than her and 15 pounds heavier. They won their game and the cutest part was after half time. She was out there waiting for the other team giggling and making jokes with her team mates. I'm sure, if your not too busy singing with the angels up in heaven, you were looking down with that beautiful smile.
Now your oldest had a game on the big field in the pouring rain. It was cold, raining, and their shoe laces were all coming undone. She was in the middles and had good passes and tried to be aggressive. I thought she was being very brave because the opponent was always a foot taller than her and 15 pounds heavier. They won their game and the cutest part was after half time. She was out there waiting for the other team giggling and making jokes with her team mates. I'm sure, if your not too busy singing with the angels up in heaven, you were looking down with that beautiful smile.
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
A Dream Comes True
This would have made you so happy! My dream finally came true. It took 45 years, but someone finally took me to Cinderella's castle for dinner to meet the princesses! Unfortunately, Cinderella was the most disappointing. We all have those 'off' days; I guess. The best was Snow White! She gave a little trash talk about Cinderella. And then Sleeping Beauty gave me a hug. A little piece of heaven.
Fostering Kittens
I have started to Foster kittens. And I love it! It began in May 2019 right when school got out. A mama/papa cat and three of their kittens were abandoned. I got the mama and kittens right away and put them downstairs. The kittens were so small and still feeding off of mama. I got them the whole summer! They needed vaccinations, be cleaned of fleas, giving worm medication, and spayed/neutered.
I might have to rescue mama kitty from the shelter and keep this cuddlier. Your kids love to hold the kittens and spend time with them. I don't think they'll have a lot of time with this new group. But over the summer they loved to come, sit, play, and hold the kittens. However, Sabrina is still our favorite.
Mama kitty was such a good mama. She has not be adopted yet. I made them each a scrap book to go home with the cats when they got adopted. I can't believe no one has adopted her yet. I just checked on her today and she had a big sore above her mouth. I guess she chewed on the wire to the fan and electrocuted herself. I am heart broken. All the kittens have been adopted and she is all alone.
Now I have my second kitten family. A household noticed a mama cat and three kittens coming from under their back shed. They are FLUFFY!!! And one is cuddlier!!!!
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