Well, your beauties have started school. I asked for their 'First Day of School' pictures but no one sent them to me. I guess there are new boundaries. Maybe some day I'll see them. I'm sure they looked smart, and with-it. I got your baby this checkered button-down shirt, stripes on the inside of the rolled up sleeves and low front pockets. You would have loved it! Seeing him strut around like he was a movie star! Your first born is growing up so fast. She picked only clothes that were conventional; to be like you. "Tía" she said, "I have the same style as my mom." "We like things plain." She is trying to hold on to you with all her might.
She gets her teeth pulled next week. She brings you up in a lot of our conversations. "Remember when mama said...." "Remember when mama did....." And I get that twinge of pain in the back of my throat. I imagine you come to her mind when she is afraid of the unknown.
She had practice the other day and I was taking her home. Tears coming down my face as we pulled into 7/11 for a Slurpee.....yep; I remember. I remember so much it hurts.
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
New Campsite
One last hurrha camping trip to breath in fresh air, relax in the hammock and suck the melted part of the marshmallow after it has been toasted a beautiful carmel color. Thoughts of you flooded into my brain. Memories of you by the fire, taking pictures and getting dinner ready. Tears flowed freely as I knew you were in a better place; without pain, but my heart yearning for one more hug, giggle, and someone coming up to hold my hand.
When the tent site was finished and the audio book began, I got in my hammock to look up and find a man sitting in the front seat of a creepy white van looking over in my direction. You would have laughed. We would of had jokes for years; the kind where we only knew the punch line. More tears.
Nothing happened. An occasional look up to see if he was still there; yep. Eating his dinner, sitting in the front seat of his van. A giggle escaped knowing I would be sleeping with my steel pipe next to me in the tent. You would have laughed. We would have giggled all night; me probably peeing my pants.
Everything the same. Fire, dinner, S'mores, eggs for breakfast, a good hike, but without you. It's like eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without jelly. I love bread. I love peanut butter. I miss the jelly.
When the tent site was finished and the audio book began, I got in my hammock to look up and find a man sitting in the front seat of a creepy white van looking over in my direction. You would have laughed. We would of had jokes for years; the kind where we only knew the punch line. More tears.
Nothing happened. An occasional look up to see if he was still there; yep. Eating his dinner, sitting in the front seat of his van. A giggle escaped knowing I would be sleeping with my steel pipe next to me in the tent. You would have laughed. We would have giggled all night; me probably peeing my pants.
Everything the same. Fire, dinner, S'mores, eggs for breakfast, a good hike, but without you. It's like eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without jelly. I love bread. I love peanut butter. I miss the jelly.
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Thoughts of You
I went camping and wore my Polar snuggy.....and smiled at the comment, "Dude....she is wearing a sleeping bag!"
And your smile came right into my thoughts. Remember that Christmas. You grinning from ear to ear, head leaning back, hands in the pockets, and your giggles filling up the room.
Ben did good.
And your smile came right into my thoughts. Remember that Christmas. You grinning from ear to ear, head leaning back, hands in the pockets, and your giggles filling up the room.
Ben did good.
A New Phase
Well Mama, she got braces. And she went teal. She is embarrassed and shy about this temporary change. She asked me if she should get silver or teal. You know me well to shy away from anything boring.
Anyone can hide away with closed lips hoping the braces would disappear. But I will try my best to make her smile every time I see her. With your love, my sparkle, and God's mercy she will get through this trying time with joy.
Love and miss you.
Anyone can hide away with closed lips hoping the braces would disappear. But I will try my best to make her smile every time I see her. With your love, my sparkle, and God's mercy she will get through this trying time with joy.
Love and miss you.
Saturday, August 17, 2019
The Bubbles that Float Away
Your little travelers. Beach, Costa Rica, Boston, Church camp, Mt. Hood, Swimming, Soccer, City, Hikes, Tide Pools, and Camping.
They hop in the car and go. Giggles in the car, games to pass the time, and drops of Spanish here and there.
And just like that, Summer is over.
Your little boy watched out for his younger cousin every outing they went on. Holding her hand and putting his arm around her. Aunt Phyllis talked about how impressed she was with his commitment as he looked out for her. He went on two very scaring rides at Oaks park. Your would not have believed how courageous he was!
Your beauty is standing up to the opponent and becoming more aggressive on the soccer field. We hear the coach praising her and she beams. She continually loves this Hedgehog and he is finally beginning to understand she is not giving up on him. The love she has for him is mind-boggling to me and I think Sabrina is a little jealous.
School starts in two weeks. And here we go! The big challenge! You know the peace and have no worries for this new normal that awaits us. I imagine you smiling down from Heaven at us as we stumble in this life without you. You are desperately missed and cherished in our hearts.
They blow bubbles during their adventures in remembrance of you. They sail off into the air fill with rainbows of color in a graceful dance and our eyes follow them up towards Heaven.
They hop in the car and go. Giggles in the car, games to pass the time, and drops of Spanish here and there.
And just like that, Summer is over.
Your little boy watched out for his younger cousin every outing they went on. Holding her hand and putting his arm around her. Aunt Phyllis talked about how impressed she was with his commitment as he looked out for her. He went on two very scaring rides at Oaks park. Your would not have believed how courageous he was!
Your beauty is standing up to the opponent and becoming more aggressive on the soccer field. We hear the coach praising her and she beams. She continually loves this Hedgehog and he is finally beginning to understand she is not giving up on him. The love she has for him is mind-boggling to me and I think Sabrina is a little jealous.
School starts in two weeks. And here we go! The big challenge! You know the peace and have no worries for this new normal that awaits us. I imagine you smiling down from Heaven at us as we stumble in this life without you. You are desperately missed and cherished in our hearts.
They blow bubbles during their adventures in remembrance of you. They sail off into the air fill with rainbows of color in a graceful dance and our eyes follow them up towards Heaven.
Little Mr. Forgettful
So you left your i-pad in Costa Rica. This item will be one of many and I hope it never changes. Because if it changed it would mean losing a little bit of your mama in you. There have been many stories that have been told of her losing luggage, jewelry, and her homework. It's what made her adorable and compassionate.
We can always buy you more stuff....these things can be replace. When you lose items it sweetly reminds me of how much your mama loved you. She knew that piece of her was in you, she cherished it, and I hope it never goes away.
Love you always.
We can always buy you more stuff....these things can be replace. When you lose items it sweetly reminds me of how much your mama loved you. She knew that piece of her was in you, she cherished it, and I hope it never goes away.
Love you always.
Your So Beautiful.
I sneaked a glimpse of you while you passed by your reflection. As you looked into your face your hand reached up and touched the two side protruding teeth. The awkward phase, pimples and the start of braces will be upon us in a couple of days.
I know your nervous. Pictures are coming up; really dad....you couldn't of made the appointment for braces after school pictures? The pain, taunting from boys, and teeth being pulled. You have every reason to be nervous.
Please know you will get through this. Your mama did and I know her bravery has been passed down to you. You said, once you get braces you won't be smiling with your lips apart anymore. I'd like to see you try.....Tía is the best at making you smile.
Love you
PS. You also said when you are a mama you will be driving a mini-van. I can't wait.
I know your nervous. Pictures are coming up; really dad....you couldn't of made the appointment for braces after school pictures? The pain, taunting from boys, and teeth being pulled. You have every reason to be nervous.
Please know you will get through this. Your mama did and I know her bravery has been passed down to you. You said, once you get braces you won't be smiling with your lips apart anymore. I'd like to see you try.....Tía is the best at making you smile.
Love you
PS. You also said when you are a mama you will be driving a mini-van. I can't wait.
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