I met with a Reading Specailist

Well,
I met with a Reading Specialist and 15 minute into the conversation we both realized that she is a firm believer in Whole- Part-Whole language learning through reading books.  And I am a firm believer in Part to Whole language learning through sequential and systematic teaching with books that follow the sequential teaching.  You know each are passionate about their beliefs and do not budge.  I budged only because I am uncomfortable in confrontational settings and lack academic vocabulary.

It was very hard for me to hear for an hour and a half all the things (that taught me how to read; as a struggling reader) was wrong.  And that I should have struggling readers not sound out words but guess and then affirm them when they are wrong.  At one point she was modeling her method and I started to cry.  It must have been the trauma of my whole to part schooling resurfacing.  And I said to her then I can't be a Reading Specialist.  If that is how they want me to teach then I need to change jobs.  I just wished I could have the confidence to be a Dyslexic Therapist full time.  No retirement, no health care, no guarantee of students, and not enough pay to support my mortgage/bills.

I need to believe in my method.  I need to believe in my scores.  I need to believe in my training.  I have my evidence.  I have my life to prove this works.  I have realized that I need affirmation.....probably more than the average person.  This would be the product from the public school system failing to teach me how to read.  I am Dyslexic.  The Whole to Part left me with uncertainty, lack of connection in my brain, anxiety, little reading skills, and no confidence.

The IDA conference will give me that boost.  That support.  That affirmation.  (Plus, I will get to meet Barbara Wilson and tell her face to face 'Thank you'!!!!!) And I will pray that God will give me the confidence to finish this year strong in my beliefs.  Then find a place where I will get affirmation through my boss or coworkers.

On a bright note.  During the meeting a fourth grader came to my room asking for an assignment for her and her friends to do in her classroom.  A little sunlight beaming through the rain clouds.